Daniel Craig is going to be a great James Bond. You know why? Because he’s homely but cool. He looks like the guy who never got the girl in high school and now he’s playing the coolest secret agent ever.

The worst people in the movie theater are the ones who show up late. Anyone who doesn’t care about missing the first ten minutes of a movie will surely not give a damn that you actually do care about the movie and don’t want to be subjected to their loud conversations. Of course, you’re always hesitant to tell them to be quiet because unlike public high schools, movies don’t have metal detectors. No matter what people say, Scary Movie 4 was not worth dying over.

A woman in Mississippi poured two quarts of hot cooking oil over her husband while he slept. He spent a week in a burn center with third degree burns before he died. Can you think of a worse way to die? How bad has marriage gotten? Husbands blowing up buildings so their wives don’t get it in the divorce settlement. A wife driving her vehicle through a building lobby in an attempt to run over her estranged husband. Paul McCartney accuses his ex of taking three bottles of cleaning liquid from his home and taking it to her office. What??? The guy is worth $1.5 billion and didn’t have a prenup and he’s worried about three bottles of cleaning liquid? Priorities, my man. “When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now…will you take me for a quarter of my wealth…make me wish I had a gun to off myself. Rip my poor heart out, mired in grief. Who could ask for more? Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?” Uh…apparently not. Truth is, though, I’d much rather lose a quarter of my wealth than have hot, boiling anything poured over me. Ain’t that right, Al Green?

The New York Mets are 14 games ahead in the NL East. If the excessive heat, continuous terrorists plots and forthcoming world war aren’t enough signs of the apocalypse, the Mets running away with the NL East should be!

Vanity Fair will publish the first baby pictures of Suri Cruise, the baby of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Unless the baby has a second head and a nose like Jimmy Durante, I could really care less.

Why am I watching The Flavor of Love on VH1? It’s like a train wreck, this thing. How in the world do you continue to allow a woman to stay in your home AFTER she relieves herself on your floor? Let her go, man. Do you really want a wife you will have to walk?