This past weekend I visited the local bookstore in hopes of finding a decent book on ghosts and the paranormal. Don’t ask me why, but suddenly I have taken a sincere interest in the subject and wanted to know more. Perhaps it is because the existence of ghosts would be some proof to me that there is an existence, whatever it may be, beyond this tepid life we live here on earth. Anyway, more on that later.

Needless to say, I did not find the book. However, I did run across the audiobook of Game of Shadows: Barry Bonds, BALCO, and the Steroids Scandal that Rocked Professional Sports for $7.50. I looked at the black cover with the white lettering and the photo of the bulky back of #25 and I was instantly intrigued. I’d heard of the book before. Anyone who enjoys baseball and despises what drugs have done to the game has heard of the book. It pretty much rocked the sports world upon it’s release and cast a very harsh light on baseball and Bonds in particular. I snapped up the audiobook, left the store and immediately popped it into my car’s cd player.

I’ve written about Bonds before. Quite recently, in fact. So, why am I revisiting this subject? I think it is for a myriad of reasons. The main reason being the utter ambivalence I hold towards Barry Bonds. As an African-American male who grew up watching baseball and studying the history of the sport (although I am not even close to an expert), I took great pride in watching Bonds smack 73 homers in 2001. It was one of the most exhilarating events I had ever watched. Five years ago you couldn’t turn me against the Giants outfielder. Although I had always been a Phillies fan, I was suddenly becoming a Giants fan simply because of Bonds. In my eyes, he was becoming the greatest player the sport had ever seen. He was a hero. And like most mortal men, once he ascended to his throne, he was summarily toppled.

Now, one could blame the media. It could be and has been often said that the media is particularly eager to bring down African-American sports greats. And perhaps that is true in some instances. But some men are ensnared due to ambiguous reasons — Steve McNair and the drunken driving case was one, in my opinon — and some men seem to beg for the gauntlet. Should Bonds be treated harsher than Mark Mcgwire? No. If it weren’t for Mcgwire and his own use of performance enhancing drugs (legal or not), who’s to say Bonds would have ever gone that route? Shadows implies that Bond’s was enraged by Mcgwire’s success and I am sure that was the impetus to Bonds finding that competitive edge.

What bothers me most about Bonds is that in a way he is spitting on all of the great men who came before him, the men who literally had to fight to play the game. Before Jackie Robinson played the game, baseball was not truly America’s game. Baseball was a divisive game with two separate but equal entities. To me, one can never say that Babe Ruth or Ty Cobb were the greatest, nor can one ever say that Josh Gibson or Satchel Paige were the greatest. They were great in their own realms, but they were separated by ignorance and hate. And because of that we will never know how truly great they were. People like Gibson and Paige, Buck O’Neil and thousands of other Negro league players were proud of playing in the Negro leagues, but they also wanted to show the other side what they could do. After Robinson came along, African-American players got that chance. We got to see Willie Mays and Frank Robinson and Reggie Jackson. All naturally gifted players. Barry Bonds was just as gifted as they, but he has decided (allegedy, right?) to not only besmirch the game, but in a way blurry the achievements and struggles of those who came before him.

Today, two new players were elected to Cooperstown and the illustrious baseball Hall of Fame — Cal Ripkin Jr., a great shortstop and a dedicated player who never missed a game, and Tony Gwynn, one of the best hitters to ever play the sport. Gwynn never hit a lot of homers, but he was a near guarantee to get on base or move a runner over or knock in a run. Neither Ripkin nor Gwynn were big, physically or in the way of prestige, and you never heard a disparaging word about either man. And neither has ever been a victim of the kind of allegations Barry Bonds and Mark Mcgwire have endured. They played clean and hard and years later they were rewarded with a trip to baseball immortality. Voted in #1 and #2 respectively, Ripkin and Gwynn received two of the highest percentages in voting history.

And where did Mcgwire end up on the list? Ninth. He wasn’t even close to making it in. He has fourteen more years of eligibility, if I am not mistaken, and because fans are often forgiving and forgetful, he will probably make it in. But should he? Should Bonds when his day arrives or Canseco or any of the bulky juicers who made the game of skill and natural ability and hard work a sham?

Today Mcgwire was shown the door and silently told that he made a mockery of the game. Perhaps next season, when and if Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron’s cherished home run record, a series of boos and bad press will tell Barry what fans think of him and his game. Put down the needles and pick up a bat. These two could learn a thing or two from Mr. Gwynn and Mr. Ripkin.