I’m not a huge fan of American Idol. I used to be a fan when it first started, but now I’m beginning to feel like some of the people who try out for it know that they can’t sing, but try out just so they can get on national television. Plus, the judges have seemed to develop a rather caustic tone to their criticisms. Even Paula Abdul has become a bit of a prude and she never was that good of a singer. Was she? Mix all of that together and you end up with a show that was once a phenomenon but is slowly becoming a joke.

What you can’t deny is the fact that this show knows its audience and on a yearly basis seems to give them exactly what they want. The people who run this show know what they are looking for. They want something they can dress up, plaster on posters and television sets and ship out to Walmarts and Top 40 radio stations around the nation. That is why by the time the show has reached its crescendo, you always end up with people who sound pretty much like the winners who came before them. At the end of the season, the show manages to manufacture another pop star. Talented? Perhaps. But nothing really new or intriguing.

The key word in all of this is Pop. Even Carrie Underwood sounds more popish than country to me. But so do most country stars these days. But the show was made for belters, in my opinion. Not crooners or scatters or “song stylists” (I hate that phrase). So, it got me to wondering - out of all the classic jazz vocalists and crooners that we have heard in days past, who would make it past Simon Cowell and his crew on the initial audition. I’m not even asking who would make it to the latter rounds, as I can only think of one or two singers that would have a chance.

Here’s my list and my opinion on what Simon would decide (in no particular order):

Billie Holiday - Pre-1940’s? Maybe. Post-1940’s? No way. I think they would question the power of her voice. Plus, the AI crew seem to dig vibrato and Lady Day didn’t do that. She had a voice like a horn, rise and fall.

Arthur Prysock - Yes

Billy Eckstine - Definitely

Chris Connor - Yes

June Christy - Yes

Sarah Vaughan - Definitely

Jeri Southern - Maybe. Again, she is not a belter, so I am not sure they would go for it.

Blossom Dearie - Not a chance in hell. And I love her! But that little girl voice would drive Simon batty.

Carmen Mcrae - Definitely

Frank Sinatra - Definitely

Nat King Cole - Definitely

Bing Crosby - Yes, but I don’t think they would dig him as much as Sinatra. In fact, I don’t think they would dig Cole as much either. I think power is a big thing for them, and although Crosby had a powerful voice, he may strike them as too Vanilla. “Can you sing a Stevie Wonder tune for us, Bing?” “Why, sure.” “Let’s hear it.” (in classic Bing Style) “Isn’t she loveleeeeee? Isn’t she preciousssss?” “Hm, needs wuuk, Bing.”

Eddie Jefferson - No way

King Pleasure - Again, no way. Vocalese doesn’t have a shot.

Dinah Washington - Without a doubt

Ray Charles - Without a doubt. And yes, I do consider him a jazz singer.

Charles Brown - Yes

Anita O’Day - Young Anita? Yes. Older Anita with the wavering improvisations? No way. Simon would tell her to cut that crap out. Although, we love it.

Ella Fitzgerald - Definitely. Okay, mid-career Ella is a definitely. Young Ella, not so sure.

Annie Ross - Yes

Jon Hendricks - Yes, even though he falls into the vocalese category, there is a certain uniqueness to his voice that might put him over.

Helen Merrill - Yes

Little Jimmy Scott - Maybe

Abbey Lincoln - Yes

Keely Smith - Yes

Louis Armstrong - I’m thinking no. Simon would hear his voice and ask him if he had a cold, not knowing that his would be the voice that would change the way the world listened to music.

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop with Louis. Seems like the appropriate stopping point. Out of all the names I mentioned, I think it is safe to say that Brother Ray would have the best chance of winning the whole thing. Ms. Dinah would come in a close second, though. Both had a great feel for the blues. And without the blues, there would be no American Idol.

Country music got it’s own version of American Idol. Perhaps a show can be created for the men and women who like to croon.