It is the most artistic, articulate social commentary humanity has to offer. To put it in layman’s terms: Bad hip-hop is Michael Richards. Great hip-hop is Lenny Bruce. Case in point…

So, I wasn’t going to comment on this because it was so utterly ridiculous. But it’s also quite sad and hilarious at the same time. A judge in the District of Columbia sued the owners of a dry cleaning establishment because they lost his pants. The couple thought they had found Judge Roy Pearson’s pants, but he claimed that they were not his. After that, the couple offered him money. He didn’t want it. Even after increasing their offer to $12,000, Pearson wasn’t satisfied. So, he sued them for 67 million dollars then, being a reasonable man, he reduced the suit to 54 million. During the trial, Pearson apparently broke down twice while representing himself. That’s how much his pants meant to him.

Some people think this whole thing may have been racially motivated since Pearson is a Black man and the store owners are Koreans who apparently do not speak English very well. But I don’t blame it on race. I blame it all on crazy. Whenever someone offers you $12,000 dollars to replace a lost pair of pants and you turn it down, that’s pure, gen-u-wine crazy right there. Whenever a courtroom has to take two recesses so you can compose yourself after enduring the interrogation of…yourself, goodbye lucidity, hello crazy.

Here’s the breakdown of his reasons for needing $54 million:

$500,000 in attorneys’ fees (he represented himself), $2 million for “discomfort, inconvenience and mental distress,” $15,000 to rent a car every weekend to drive to another dry cleaner and $51.5 million to set up a fund to help other dissatisfied local consumers sue businesses.

$15,000 to rent a car? Next time, try Hertz, dumbass. Or maybe his other dry cleaner of choice was actually in Korea.

But you know what got me the most? It wasn’t the judge. It was the 89 year old Jewish woman who compared the treatment she got from the owner to what Hitler had done to the Jews. Really? That’s how it felt? Comparing a diminutive Korean man to the worse mass murderer of the 20th century. That’s like comparing Ronald McDonald to John Wayne Gacy.

The happy ending is that the judge sided with the store owners and may even make Pearson pay their court costs. Too bad for Pearson, though. I’m sure he could have spent that money on some well-needed psychiatric evaluations.

Starting at midnight on June 26th, all Live365 stations will go dark for 24 hours. This is to give listeners a taste of what the future holds if the RIAA gets its way. If you are a VIP listener, you will hear a stream explaining what this day means for internet radio, then you will be returned to the Evening Melancholy broadcast. If you are not a VIP listener, please listen to the testimonials and explanations that the Day of Silence streams will offer. For non-VIP listeners, the Evening Melancholy broadcast will return at midnight on the 27th.

This may seem like an inconvenience now, but imagine the day when so many internet stations that you enjoy will have to go dark because of the astronomical fees that may be imposed in the not so distant future.

This is Elwood. Elwood is the winner of the 2007 Ugliest Dog Award. Elwood is quite deserving of this award as he looks quite jacked up. Apparently, the shelter from which he came was going to euthanize him as they thought that he was too ugly to be adopted. They were wrong. A woman adopted him and saved him from his impending doom. I, frankly, have seen more attractive roadkill. But hey, to each his own. The woman stated that she thought he was “the cutest thing that ever lived”. The woman’s name? Helen Keller.

All of my fears about marriage are crammed into this two and a half minute trailer.