Barry Bonds sat out again tonight in the San Francisco Giants game against the Cubs. He claims his legs, feet and toes are swollen. So are your head, arms and ego, Barry, but that never stopped you before.

Barry hasn’t hit a homer since July 3rd. He’s in a hitting slump, batting 0 for 20, and I have to admit that there is a tiny sliver of me that hopes that the slump continues, at least until I make it out to San Francisco next month. Barry is four homers away from tying Hank Aaron and five away from breaking the record. If his slump continues or if he has a few more slumps in the upcoming weeks, I could actually be there when the record is broken. That excites me! Do you know why? Because I could actually tell my grandchildren — or at the rate that I’m going, someone elses grandchildren — about the time I was at the game when Barry Bonds broke the most coveted record in the history of sports. And how, as bulbous Barry made his way around the bases and the crowd ejaculated adulation and cheers, I stood stone-faced with my arms crossed and bile dribbling down my chin.

I would love to say that I would boo Barry as he circled the bases, but hey, I’m going to be in San Francisco, Barry’s red-headed step-child. I don’t want to come home singing, “I left my ass and a quart of my blood in San Francisco.” But I wouldn’t cheer. I promise you that.

Bonds, speaking about the Dodgers’ sweep of the Giants and his locker room explosion after the game, stated

“I did everything but bite myself and spit on myself”

Need help with that Barry?

I kid.

When asked about his problems at the plate Sunday, Bonds answered: “It’s an embarrassment for me to be wearing this (expletive deleted) uniform ’cause of the way I’m playing. There, that’s it. Now go away.”

Actually, it’s an embarrassment for you to be wearing the uniform for other reasons. You go away! But I digress.

He proceeded to flip over a laundry cart as he walked through the clubhouse.

Yelling, “Hulk smash!” along the way.

Sidenote: For a brief time today, the CNN website had a link to the N-Word/Ralph Papitto blog from yesterday. A little validation and fifteen minutes of fame. Like Elia Kazan said, “Now I can fade away.”