Today, it was revealed that the governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, had a two and a half hour rendezvous with a high-priced prostitute in Washington last month. He apologized to his constituents, to his wife and family, blah blah blah. The same old “politician screws around, politician gets caught, politician is immediately humbled by his indiscretions” rigmarole. Now, I’m not going to get into the whole immorality of this thing because I’m not perfect and who am I to judge. And no, I have never been with a prostitute. But I do have a few questions.

1) Who spends $2,721.41 on a prostitute? Governors of New York obviously. But still…Give me $2,721.41 and I will spend $2,700 on an awesome, new big screen television and the remaining $21.41 on a prostitute. I mean, what exactly are these women offering that you can’t get at a much cheaper discount? Aren’t there some hookers on clearance somewhere? Come on. And these women have rules apparently. No real kinky stuff. Really? I just gave you $2,721.41. So…shut your trap, put on this welder’s mask and get to work on my sack with that Brillo pad. Point is for that amount of money, as long as they are not beating the crap out of you, how can you set up rules?

2) Who pays $2,721.41 to a prostitute, then gives her an additional $1,500 or so for unkinky sex for a date to be determined later? Again, New York governors. They’re prostitutes. What happened to leaving the money on the nightstand and cutting out? Why put that shit on lawaway? Is someone else gonna take it off the market?

3) If you are the governor of New York, why would you have sex with a high-priced prostitute in a well-organized prostitution outfit? Heidi Fleiss anyone? You should know that eventually this is going to get out. Eventually, you will be standing at a podium with a woman who is pretty much going to castrate you when you get home, pouring your heart out to a bunch of people who put their trust in you. How is it you couldn’t go to some inconspicuous side street, pick up a streetwalker, take her to some obscure Econo Lodge, do WHATEVER you pretty much wish to do, leave the $21.41 on the nightstand and go?

4) One lady of the evening stated that she wasn’t interested in the rendezvous because she wasn’t going to lower herself to having sex two times in an hour with someone and not be taken out to dinner first. Hello?? This isn’t a date! The guy is wetting his wick and splitting. On top of that, he is putting a down payment on some future boot knockin’. Where do you get off? And if the response is, “I’m a lady.” No, my mom is a lady. Spitzer’s wife is probably a lady. When you’re on the clock, you’re a prostitute, plain and simple. No dinner. No flowers and candy. Just straight sex. It’s bad enough the guy has to keep his spouse happy, now he’s gotta give you a night on the town too?

5) How does one get into this line of work? Seriously. If I can make a bundle of cash for having sex with some high-powered goverment official for a couple of hours, let me at ‘em. I’m sure there are some women in politics who are just too busy and stressed out to want it from their husbands. Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer. What about the governor of Kansas? I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for leaving me $2,721.41. Or governor Palin of Alaska. Are you kidding me? I’d give her an hour for free just because I dig politics so much, you know?

I’m not looking down on prostitutes. Really. It’s a job like any other. They’re not choosing to break up families, ruin careers, etc. Boneheads like Spitzer make that decision on their own. But you gotta remember what you’re there for. If you want to be wine and dined get a boyfriend…or a husband. Then introduce him to one of your friends so he can get what he really wants without all the hassle.