I don’t really believe in signs or anything that suggests that my fate is all a part of a grand plan. Grand plans require at least a modicum of control. If my life is just a part of some overall scheme, then I am not truly in control. So when things occur that seem oddly coincidental or somehow designed, it disturbs me.

Like the woman who died in a car crash in Austria last week. Common occurrence. Only, this particular woman was supposed to be on the Air France plane that crashed and killed 228 people. Did God scoop up 229 people only to see one trickle through his immense fingers, then make up for it a week later? Or were these two tragic incidents completely unrelated besides the obvious fact that she was supposed to be on that plane?

Having stated this concern about fate and whether mine is controlled or not, I have to say that the two events that occurred yesterday and today gave me pause while also making me thankful and strengthening my resolve to make changes in my life.

Friday night, I had an awful dream about my father. I woke up Saturday morning disturbed and mournful. The definition of a nightmare changes as you age. It is no longer the threat of monsters and bogeymen that crash down upon the tranquility of slumber. Instead, as we age, our dreams are haunted by the tangible possibility of harm befalling those we hold most dear. And this was the type of dream I had about my father. I lay in bed Saturday morning, pondering life and the inevitable thresholds we all must cross.

Saturday afternoon, after grabbing a spontaneous bite to eat and a few beers at one of my favorite restaurants, I drove out of the parking lot and had only gone a block before I saw a familiar figure strolling down the sidewalk. It was my father. Until that moment, I had forgotten that he worked in the same location as the restaurant, and to my mind’s ease, he happened to have gotten off late. What were the chances of me running into him — especially on the day after having such a horrible dream?

My father and I spoke for a few moments, and in that brief amount of time, the stain of that dream upon my memory had been washed away. Was that a sign, an odd coincidence? Was there some entity spiraling about the universe who wanted to allay my worries? At least for that one day?
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This afternoon, I went to my friends’ home to feed their cats while they are on vacation. One of the friends left a cd mix of some of her favorite music for me on the kitchen counter. She also printed out the song list and left it next to the cd.

I’ve been thinking very seriously lately about leaving Tennessee and moving to another city. Two particular cities top my wish list. I told the friend who left the cd about one of the cities but not about the other. Imagine the surprise I got from looking at the track listing on the printout and seeing that the first song was titled Moving to ——–. It was the city I had never even mentioned to her. Here I am, having doubts about whether moving is really something I should do, and bam — the first listed track was like an extra little shove. Fate? Destiny calling?

And here I am, unwilling to reveal the city for fear that I will “jinx” myself. Who’s really in control here??

If the course of my destiny is not determined by the mass collisions of free will but instead is tethered to strings pulled by some grand, unseen puppet master, then find me a nice, comfortable chair and I will sit there until the end of my days. Pleasant coincidences or not — if I can’t tug the strings, I don’t want to play.