Today, Senator Larry Craig’s attorney attempted to defend Senator Craig’s foot-tapping incident in a men’s restroom last summer by stating that Craig’s actions were protected by the First Amendment.

Not sure if Senator Craig or his attorney are aware of this or not, but the Bush administration got rid of the First Amendment years ago. They may want to try a different line of defense.

With each passing day, I am beginning to understand more and more why Sarah Palin is the personification of the Grand Old Party’s wet dreams. She’s a divisive, book burning, racist, hypocritical, blithely ignorant tyrant who has the ability to paralyze with fear and vanquish those who dare to oppose her. Slap a tiny mustache on her and you’d have…well…I digress.

See, this is what happens when you only spend a day giving a cursory glance to the background of your potential VP pick. The important and damning shit falls through the cracks, only to come and bite you (one hopes) in the end. At this point, I almost wish that McCain had picked a Romney or Pawlenty for his running mate. Sure, it may have created a more unbeatable ticket, but if fate decides to give the mentally stable the middle finger and McCain/Palin end up winning the nomination in the fall, I may be jumping down, turning around and picking a bale of cotton come next summer. I know that sounds a little extreme, but so does Palin.

I know you are probably wondering where I came up with the colorful title of this blog entry. I wish I could claim it for my own, but alas, this phrase that so eloquently rolls off one’s tongue actually (and allegedly) spewed from the lips of the respected governor of Alaska as she was partaking of lunch with some fellow members of the Third Rei-…uh…ahem…fellow “political colleagues”. In case you were wondering, Senator Obama would be Sambo in this scenario, and Senator Hillary Clinton would of course be the aforementioned bitch that Sambo beat.

Oh, and the slurs don’t stop there. Palin has been said to refer to Alaska’s Aboriginals as “Arctic Arabs” and to Eskimos as…well…”fucking Eskimos”, which may not be a slur if those words were preceded by the question, “Who are the coolest mofos this side of the North Pole?” But I doubt that question was anywhere in the vicinity of the lovely governor when she uttered that melodious phrase.

Of course, one has to wonder about a politician who derides her colleagues for wasteful spending when she is in fact spending millions on things people neither need or want. But the kicker for me is her apparent embrace of book burning. Seriously? I would love to see the list of books she wanted burned. My guess is they were anything written about black people not named Sambo, democratic, whining females, Gloria Steinem, sex-ed and those fucking Eskimos.

While I believe that black people should vote for whomever they wish, I must admit I was a little surprised to see a handful of black faces in the crowd at the Republican National Convention. The veterans I understand, but just regular black folk? I would be seriously afraid of voting for someone who when asked if she knows any black people would probably say, “Yes. Fat Albert annnnd…Urkel.” This lady scares me. And if you are a woman who believes in the right to choose or a minority or a low-wage earner or a fucking Eskimo, you should be afraid too. I’m not a huge McCain fan, but the man is definitely a moderate and while codgery as of late, he seems to want to do right by his country. But this Palin lady ain’t no joke. If god-forbid something were to happen to McCain while in office and Palin were to take over, I’m afraid I would be shuttled to the back of the bus, igloos and condoms would be abolished, and coat hangers would once again be the only alternative for those women who aren’t as privileged and supported (and we won’t even get into the hypocrisies on this one) as Bristol.

I hope we all think long and hard come November 4th.

I hope you guys were watching Palin’s speech tonight. She came at you with guns ablazin’.

This isn’t a woman you guys are competing against. This is potentially the next Vice President of the United States. Kid gloves, my ass. If you can’t play with the big girls, don’t show up. She’s calling you guys out. What are you going to do??

Oh, he’s the type of guy that preys on fears and ignorance
He makes a chick his VP pick, there goes experience
He holds out this carrot to the fans of Hillary
And thinks them dumb enough to simply vote anatomically
They call him the panderer - yeah - the panderer
Oh, his nose is brown, it’s brown, it’s brown, it’s brown

He’s got Cindy on his left arm and now Sarah on his right
How long before he calls this one the c-word late one night
Don’t think me crude or call me rude or label me a jerk
These words that chide attempt to hide my fear that this may work

Four more years of wars and tears and a failed economy
For heaven’s sake, too much to take. Please protect D.C.
From the panderer - yeah - the panderer
He’ll take “Roe” down, down, down, down